It's been 10 months

Last night as I was trying to help my younger brother purchase a bus ticket my ears picked up the sounds of a Dishwalla song my ex and I use to listen to. And for the first time since the breakup I didn't rush to turn off the music. I sat and sang along and reminisced. And I didn't feel angry or sad. I felt a little blank. I think that I am finally understanding that as much as I was hurt/angry/scared/confused about the demise of our relationship, I am more at peace than I have been. (I know these feelings are subject to change, but this is my clarity for the moment).

I understand that we weren't good for each other. We couldn't aid each other in becoming the best person that God asks us to be. We failed each other in so many ways. Maybe our parting is the only way we will get to Heaven.

So as the anniversary of my not-wedding approaches I am planning a party. In June I am going to have a big bash with my family and friends in celebration of the love and support they have given me this past year, a time to recognize that I have stood at the gates of Mordor and I have returned bruised, but wiser and stronger.

I have so much ahead of me and my new journey has just begun.