Pain exists for a reason. It is an indicator of the absence of well-being. Pain signals the body that there is a problem that needs to be addressed immediately, to take the body out of harms way. When pain lingers it serves as a reminder of the past mistake that lead to the present state, and hopefully, serves as a warning not to place oneself in the particular predicament that lead to that state. I didn't pay attention until things were too late to save my heart.
{Temporary Edit. You can bet this will be addressed.}
People can't fathom the depths of one's personal pain and suffering, so they'd rather pretend that you're being melodramatic. The pain of loosing someone you love doesn't disappear once the sun goes down. Pain moves in waves like the currents of the oceans. Sometimes pain laps at the shoreline and barely registers in the mind. Other days pain pounds the seawalls, looking to drag under anything in it's path.
So for now, my pain comes and goes. Maybe one day the ocean of pain will lead me to a quite river downstream.
A brief thought on Fort Hood
18 hours ago
Posts
4 comments:
Also, another note to said Anonymous person, you said "someone you once loved." You are so very wrong. I still love my ex, very much so. I love him still even though he has caused me much pain. A mother still loves her child when the child has wronged her. So too can I still love my ex. And I do.
That is why I am still in great pain. I can't let go of my love for him just yet. And that is why I am still in pain. But you wouldn't know this or understand because you have chosen the cowards way to address me. If you wish to send my written feelings on to my ex, than you have that right. But I have a right to my feelings; feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just ARE.
Hey Anonymous Ass-hat, if "all of your attempts" to help me have failed, than you were never a friend in the first place. You obviously have never spoken with me in depth about any of my life after my almost-wedding ended. You weren't there when I cried for three weeks straight. You weren't there when my child and I were forced to go on welfare/meidcaid for five months because the job market is so fucking sucky! You wouldn't know that I now spend my days teaching jailed underage robbers, rapist, and gang-bangers how to read and do simple addition. You wouldn't know that I have a painfully broken femur that is going to require surgery, six months in a cast, and extensive rehab. You aren't here when my son asks for his 'daddy' was and it breaks my fucking heart to see him cry when I say that 'daddy' couldn't come see him.
As for you forwarding a link of my blog, than that is your choice. I am on the web, primarily to converse with other single mothers. I chose to remain writing under my non de plume. I have not and will never reveal the identities of my child, my ex or my family. If my ex chooses to read my writings than by all means he is allowed to do that. I don't know what purpose it would serve, as he and I aren't in contact with any of the same people any longer. My friends keep in contact with me and check on me regularly....wouldn't you know that since you are my friend?.....Oh wait a minute, I guess you wouldn't know that....
And as for calling me a narcissist, you may have a small point. I write so people can read my thoughts. I hope to someday have a published work under my real name. I enjoy getting comments and feedback from those who happen across my blog. So, yea I do enjoy the "attention." And how else was I supposed to respond back to your oh, so kind Anonymous admonitions. If I were to actually follow though, cower at your demands to stuff down my feelings and deny myself the right to freedom of expression, you would never know my true feelings.
But anyways, thanks for being whoever the hell you are because it reminded me to stick to my guns. That was my New Year's Resolution. So for now, I will keep my hair short, wear rainboots on a sunny day, will offer food to the homeless man on the street, and will tell all the people in my life that I love them. Yea, some of us can say I love you, and not want to jump your bones. (Didn't Aristotle talk about that?)
Catch ya on the flip side.....
PS-My spiritual director and my therapist say I am doing great. I go to confession twice a month, say daily prayers with my kid, and pray for my ex every morning and evening. So religious, sanctimonious crap aside, how are you doing in your relationship with God? Stupid, judgmental asshat.
Hey, lady. This one is for you.
Read
http://www.solomother.com/we-were-meant-to-shine/
And a question. Doesn't your blog track IP addresses of anonymous comments? You can learn a lot... I can have a friend look into it if you'd like.
--C
Gee, Anonymous. A true friend would have written this note and signed it. A true friend would have picked up the phone and called. A true friend would have sent an email.
And we don't know who this ex is. We've not seen a photo. She hasn't told us his name, or where he lives. She hasn't plastered his details on Oh No Don't Date Him.
Personal experience often is transmuted into prose, writers do it all the time.
You, Anonymous, are a coward and a manipulator. She's well rid of you.
Post a Comment