Advancing....I think

I spent the day in "substitute training" which was a strange, unsatisfying experience. For 6 hours I listened to the most inane drivel exhorted by two overly perky, slapstick driven instructors, who were so desperate for the class to buy into the politically correct hogwash they were spewing. 95% of the instruction was reiteration of common sense ideas that an 8 year old should know. "Cover your mouth when you sneeze....Don't be blood brothers, as dangerous pathogens may travel through bodily fluids....Don't come to school impaired...Don't date your students."

In a Rut

Still no job but finally got some child support. I can afford to buy diapers and health insurance for the following month. I'm getting cranky. I wish I could harness my creative energy into something productive, but I keep stalling.

The Muppet has really been a button-pusher this afternoon. I have had to scold him four times now, because he has refused to lie down and nap. The last time I went into the room, I discovered that he had drawn on his bed sheets with pen. No possession of mine is sacred.

I don't know what to do right now. Maybe it'll help if I make a list of things that I want to do and things that I need to accomplish.

Kids Say the Darndest....

When the Muppet discovered that he had certain organs about a year ago, I decided that I would refer to them as his "boy parts." Made sense to me.

When my affianced(now ex) entered the picture and began taking over the role of soon-to-be father, he decided that we should teach the Muppet the proper terms for his boy parts.

I've never made a big deal out of the parts. All I've ever asked is that he keep his hands off when I am trying to clean a dirty diaper. So imagine my surprise, amusement, and shock when he announced yesterday, "My penis is too big." He patted his diapered front and ran off to play.

I know every mom wants her child to be first in their class, but how do I brag about that?

Pieces of Me

If you've just tuned in to my life, I'll give you a short run down. I'm a single mom, heading back to school after realizing that no one wants to hire a former Office Manager who has been out of the mainstream workforce for three years. I was dumped 4 days prior to my wedding two months ago and am currently living with my parents. I share a bathroom with four siblings and try (in vain) to stay out of the cookie jar.

I have a wonderful little boy in my life. He is charming, sweet, funny, extremely clever and 100% male. I call him my Muppet. He has crazy thick hair which overpowers his tiny face. And he has a smile to melt my heart.

Yet he can be so perplexing and downright frustrating at times! Take tonight, for instance. I got him out of the bath and set him down on the floor while I flipped the lamp on and grabbed his night clothes. Naked little Muppet scampers up onto my overstuffed rehabilitated yard-sale chair and decided to rub his butt on the armrests. Not amused, I told him to come down and get dressed. He refused to listen. I asked him three more times to join me so I could diaper and dress him and at each request he shot me a grin.

Now, I am not the type of person who likes to resort to spankings. They were an all to common form of discipline growing up and I don't want that form of punishment to be a mainstay into my son's life. On the two previous occasions that I have lost my cool and resorted to spanking my child I became nauseated. However, tonight I was losing patience and asked the Muppet, "Do you need a spanking?" thinking the idle threat would be enough to end his naked dance.

He paused for a moment, "....Mmmmm....yes!" And he gave me the biggest shit-eating grin.

At that moment it's like I could hear the thoughts that he was unable to voice: ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Just like me he likes to push the envelope. If I am threatened with something, the curious part of me wants to buck the system just to see the bad results. Three-quarters of the time the quiet voice of good reason prevails and my imagination takes over where I refuse to let the actions follow consequence. The remaining 1/4 I am bad and will push the limits.

With that in mind, I need to keep a close eye on him. If he does half of the shenanigans that I contemplated, I'm in for a roller coaster ride.