A night blooming moon flower

It's been almost a year. I still wonder how he's doing. But I am thriving. As is my son. We'll be okay.

It's been 10 months

Last night as I was trying to help my younger brother purchase a bus ticket my ears picked up the sounds of a Dishwalla song my ex and I use to listen to. And for the first time since the breakup I didn't rush to turn off the music. I sat and sang along and reminisced. And I didn't feel angry or sad. I felt a little blank. I think that I am finally understanding that as much as I was hurt/angry/scared/confused about the demise of our relationship, I am more at peace than I have been. (I know these feelings are subject to change, but this is my clarity for the moment).

I understand that we weren't good for each other. We couldn't aid each other in becoming the best person that God asks us to be. We failed each other in so many ways. Maybe our parting is the only way we will get to Heaven.

So as the anniversary of my not-wedding approaches I am planning a party. In June I am going to have a big bash with my family and friends in celebration of the love and support they have given me this past year, a time to recognize that I have stood at the gates of Mordor and I have returned bruised, but wiser and stronger.

I have so much ahead of me and my new journey has just begun.

MY dating rules for MYself, when/if I decide to date again.

Business Card of Dating Rules:

1. What you see is what you get. Sometimes I want to play dress up and get pretty-fied and some days I could give a rat’s patootie about my hair and the fact that I am wearing an ugly skirt. If you don’t like my bizarre socks or dislike my clothing choices, and you tell me about that, well bully for you. But I ain’t gonna change. Love me, love the ridiculous clothes I wear.

2. I love my baby. I am not going to put him in jeopardy or out in the cold. If you want to see me, talk to me, be with me, it will be only after my child’s needs are taken care of. If I have been at work all day, I will not be on the phone with you or see you until I have spent plenty of quality time with my child and he is in bed for the evening.

3. Then and only then, after my child is in bed, can you have some of my time. At max, 30 mins if I have a boatload of things to do: ie. homework, writing, cleaning, sleep! If miracles of miracles I am free of any obligations, and I don’t have any TV shows that I want to watch so I can unwind for a bit, (despite the fact that you may not like the show), then you may have a bit more of my time.

4. DO NOT talk smack or insult my siblings. I may be having problems with them, but that's my problem. Don't tell me what you don't like about them when I am in venting mode.

5. Get over the fact that I am going to have a lot on my plate and you won’t be the main course for a long time! I have plans for schooling and a goal of helping to protect children from pervs. If you want to join me on my journey, YEA!, but if you expect me to change course mid-stream, like I have foolishly done several times before, FORGET IT! Ain’t gonna happen again!

6. I will teach my child at home. I’ve been in private schools and have taught in the public sector and have discovered that both are CRAP (at least in this area of the country)! My kid will get more love, attention to detail, and will work at his own pace to understand new concepts. We will take trips to the museum for art class. We will go for a walk in the woods for a biology lessons. We will walk battlegrounds for history. I WILL BE involved in my child’s education.

7. I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU. This is an upfront rule. No booty from me EVER again! I’m not risking STDs, AIDS, or pregnancy EVER again! I have screwed-up before, I willingly admit, and I am not free of blame, but from this day forward, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR THAT KIND OF ATTENTION.If you are horny, go jerk off in the privacy of your bedroom, find a cheap hook-up, or get a hooker, but don’t expect me to see you again. If you keep trying to pressure me and get all grabby with me, I will shut you down. I have needs too, but my BRAINS AND SOUL, tell me that seeing how past choices got me NOWWHERE but pain and suffering, I’ll not be doing that again. Try to put your hands on my boobs or down my pants, and I’ll knee you in the crotch.

To be continued…..

Is it over yet?

Yesterday someone at work grabbed my ass. As I was standing next to worthless guard number 1. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!

I wish I could find officer McDonut ass and smack him now....'hmmmm, are they touching you? Until you are touched, there is no credible threat.' Well, buddy what's next? Are we waiting for the little villains to have me on my knees? They've already drawn that picture.

I f'n HATE this job. All altruism went out the window over two months ago.

And I got the typical response from the administration. "You need to learn to interact differently with the boys." WTF? So does that mean wear Kevlar and maintain a 15 ft. bubble? Cuz I figured that standing next to a guard (who is SUPPOSED to do his f'n JOB) might give me some sort of security.

This is harassment in the workplace. Yea, it still goes on to this day. I wish Tank and Sarge were able to work already. I don't want to go to work today.

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

Out of knee rehab and into the Y. I joined up today. I am very pleased with the facilities and hope to get in there at least three times a week.

And I really need to get in there, especially because the little villains at work were whispering about why I was so 'bitchy' today. One kid volunteered that my stomach looked fat and I am probably pregnant.

Geez..........First immaculate conception in 2000 years.....Maybe the papers will be looking to interview me....

Rule No. 1 - Trust None of These Kids

After a week of internal investigation, it turns out that the kid who reacted so strongly about the picture drawn of me is the perpetrator. He was the first to speak up, act shocked, promised to exact vengeance, and be overly concerned for my well-being. All along this little villain was looking to get a rise out of me. I have shown kindness and given extra help to him in Math, but yet he is so socially maladjusted that he strikes out to hurt everyone and anyone, regardless of their intentions.

I realized that, as Queen Gertrude says to Hamlet "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." He who was first and loudest to rally for me, was the one who is guilty of the crime.

Will the parents that raise these children, or better yet, abandon these children to raise themselves, face some sort of punishment in the afterlife?

It's a new day!

I am actually looking forward to work today. After having to lock myself in the records office for two days last week following the lovely art exhibit in my honor, I think things are going to change. There are two new guards starting today: Sarge and Tank. Two HUGENORMOUS guys, muscles upon muscles and ready to take no crap from anyone!

Last week they were unable to assist in any discipline of unruly students as they were still in training. But they witnessed the boys disrespect and contempt for staff, and frankly, were irritated about the lack of control the guards had over the children. They both assured me that as soon as they start, the disrespect and animal behavior would soon disappear. YEA!!!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!